Broken
by DancingRaindrops
Summary: One-shot song fic. Not exactly my usual kind of work...but I hope you read and enjoy it anyways. Future fic, Channy. For Everafterjunkie and DemiandSelenafan. "I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating."


A/N: Yay! Song fic time! It's been awhile since I've written one, so I hope this is good. Plus, it's a different genre than my usual, so I hope you all will let me know how you like it. :) Dedicated to **Everafterjunkie**, who very kindly let me use her name. :P And is just generally awesome in every way. Also, happy almost birthday to **DemiandSelenafan **(it's tomorrow, people, so PM her with birthday wishes)! Hope you all enjoy. :D

**Broken**

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

Beep. Beep. Beep. The alarm clock goes off at 8:00 AM sharp, as always. Its owner continues to lie in his too-empty bed, staring blankly at the white, unpainted ceiling and listening to the steady alarm. Another long night. Another even longer day ahead.

At precisely 8:01, the alarm clock gives up. The increasingly loud and frequent beeps cease, leaving only silence behind them. Sunlight streams through the gaps in between the window blinds, creating a striped pattern of light across the shadowed floor. Chad studies it for a moment from his vantage point on the bed, tilting his head to observe the coexistence of light and dark in such harmony. If only life was like that. Life...and death.

Swallowing the automatic lump that rises in his throat, he pulls himself out of bed mechanically and heads to the bathroom, shuffling his feet across the marble tiled floor. Her toothbrush is still next to his in the gleaming metal stand on the counter.

Chad brushes his teeth to pearly perfection, which doesn't take much effort on his part. He combs his hair deliberately, letting the ends of his recently grown-out bangs sweep across his face, a mere millimeter over his eyes. She likes it that way.

When he heads into his dressing room, he knows exactly what he's going to wear, even though it normally takes a professional stylist, an hour or two of preparation, and _her_ final stamp of approval to determine his ensemble for formal occasions.

Black collared shirt, with eleven buttons up the front. Chad counts them. A black suit jacket slips over his shoulders, creasing at all the right edges and fitting him as perfectly as it ought to. And black dress pants, with a black leather belt to match. Not to mention the black patent leather shoes.

Chad checks his appearance in the mirror, because this is their last date, and he wants it to be as perfect as the second chance at their first one. The black sets off his skin and hair perfectly, his striking blue eyes standing out as the lone splash of color. He looks dashing. Handsome, even. If he would smile a little.

Too bad he can't find it within himself to do so.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you  
_  
"Daddy?" Chad turns at the sound of her voice, and his eyes soften automatically.

"What is it, sweetheart?" She tiptoes into the room nervously, still in her Disney Princess pajamas with her golden hair tangled in complete disarray. It's just the way Chad likes it. Blonde, like his, but messy, like _hers_.

"What should I wear to see Mommy today? I want to look my _best_ in front of the cameras." She grins at him, with _her_ grin, and Chad has to clench his fists to keep himself from crumbling into pieces right then and there. Her eyes, the mirror image of _hers_, suddenly lose their excited sparkle and widen with concern. "Daddy?"

"I'm okay, honey. I think I've got a bit of a cold," Chad forces himself to choke out, knowing she'll be able to see through his lies as well as her mother can. Could. "But I've got something for you." Her confused expression brightens at this happy piece of news, and her five-year-old attention span is diverted from his well-being to this unexpected gift.

"A present? What is it, Daddy, what is it? Can I have it now? _Please_?" So impatient. So eager. So much like...

Chad swallows once more, his throat painfully constricting. "Of course, darling." He hands her a long white box, almost as tall as her petite frame is. As she lifts open the cover with anticipation written on her face, Chad takes a moment to inhale and exhale slowly, steadying himself.

"A new dress! And shoes! But Daddy..." She frowns and pulls out the garments. "Why are they all black? I like wearing _blue_."

"Can you wear this for me, sweetheart?" Chad asks, his voice low and huskier than usual. "When we see Mommy today, everyone at the party will be wearing black. Besides, you'll look beautiful." She pouts for a moment, unsure, before finally beaming once more and running out of the room to put on her new clothes.

Chad sits back down on the unmade bed, his shoulders slumping. A long day is ahead.

_The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead  
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life_

Half an hour later, the two of them are sitting at the kitchen table, (supposedly) eating breakfast. Chad has two slices of toast sitting in front of him, with raspberry jam spread generously over each one. His daughter's slices are smothered in low-fat butter, though only half of one slice remains on her plate. Chad hates butter. He's never known why the females in his life - female, that is - like it so much.

"I'm very upset, Daddy," the said female says matter-of-factly in between munching on her toast.

"And why is that?" Chad responds out of habit, doing his best to smile (it's not even close to the real thing).

"Because Aunt Tawni isn't here yet! She told me yesterday that she would make my hair pretty for today." She frowns, crossing her arms in dismay and sniffing exaggeratedly to earn sympathy.

"She'll be here in no time, sweetheart." Right on cue, the front door opens; Tawni and Nico were given a key to their house long ago.

"Aunt Tawni!" Chad stands up to greet the two of them halfheartedly, in time only to see his daughter's tousled locks buried in Tawni's stomach, her arms wrapped around her favorite aunt in a hug.

"Abbie!" Tawni grins at the girl in her arms, pulling her closer. Nico puts a comforting hand on his wife's shoulder; they found out two years ago that they're unable to have children, and Abbie has grown up with Tawni stopping by almost everyday, a surrogate mother of sorts when Chad or - when Chad isn't around.

"What's up, Chad? How are you?" Nico looks over at him worriedly, and Chad lifts his right shoulder in a kind of half-shrug.

"How do you _think_ he is?" hisses Tawni, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, sometimes I don't know why I married you." Meeting Chad's dull eyes, she half-smiles in what's meant to be a sympathetic gesture and makes Chad wish that _she_ was here even more to show Tawni how to comfort someone properly. "I'm sorry, Chad."

"Aunt Tawni?" Abbie peeks her head out of Tawni's arms, her chocolate eyes searching everyone's mournful expressions to find out what's wrong. "Uncle Nico? Daddy?" Tawni looks down at the little girl and beams brightly, turning on her Hollywood charm.

"Come on, sweetheart, let's get your pretty golden hair done to see Mommy!" Abbie's fears are assuaged for now, though she glances backwards nervously as Tawni leads her away.

Chad sinks back into his seat, Nico following suit next to him.

"Just want to let you know...we're here for you, man. Me and Tawni. Anything you need." Chad passes the back of his hand over his eyes, though no tears have spilled yet.

"I know. Thank you, Nico."

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain is the healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm still holding), I'm holding on (I'm still holding), I'm holding on (I'm still holding)  
I'm barely holding on to you  
_  
The four of them arrive together, in a sleek black limo of Chad's. Abbie is the first to bounce out of the car, her perfectly curled hair in ringlets held back by a black velvet headband with a little bow on its side. Nico follows, holding out his hand to help his wife step out in her three-and-a-half inch ebony stilettos.

Chad is the last, ducking his head to avoid the low ceiling of the car as he steps onto the pavement littered with various puddles.

It's been raining. It has been for the past three days, and Chad wishes with all his heart that the skies had ceased their sobbing for one day, just one day. That one day would have made all the difference in the world.

The field is swarming with mourners and reporters, family and friends, strangers who have simply come to say goodbye to the bright personality that lit up their lives through the medium of a television screen.

"Mr. Cooper! Mr. Cooper! Do you have a moment?" One of the more aggressive journalists pushes her way to the front of the crowd, shoving a microphone into Chad's face and gesturing for her slower cameraman to come forward.

Chad shakes his head wordlessly, continuing to walk past, until he stops in his tracks at the sight of the person blocking his way.

"Daddy? Why aren't you talking to them? You said we're _always_ supposed to talk to people with cameras. They can make us look bad if we don't." Abbie shakes her head in a scolding manner, waving her pointer finger at him with such a familiar expression that it breaks Chad's heart. "Silly Daddy."

"Miss Cooper, could we get a comment from you?" The reporter immediately jumps on the opportunity, and Chad's reaction time is too slow to keep his precocious daughter from answering.

"Sure!" She tosses her hair in a manner clearly adopted from her Aunt Tawni, a grin spreading across her face. "I'm going to get to see Mommy now! I haven't seen her since three days ago, when she was in the - in the - what is it, Daddy?"

"Hospital," Chad supplies softly, a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"Right. Because Mommy was hurt. She couldn't talk then, she was sleeping. But she's all better now, you see. So I get to see her at this party! But I don't understand, why is everyone wearing black and looking sad?" Abbie frowns slightly, the corners of her mouth tucking into her cheeks perfectly.

"You mean you don't know?" the reporter asks incredulously, her face confused.

"What don't I know?" demands Abbie quickly, always annoyed when others know something she doesn't. Chad closes his eyes briefly before shaking his head at the persistent newscaster, trying to steer Abbie away from the scene that has by now gathered several audience members.

"That's enough, miss, I really think that you should -"

"Your mother's dead, Miss Cooper. She passed away in the hospital three days ago from the injuries she sustained to her head in a car crash that morning."

_I'm hanging on another day  
Just to see what you will throw my way  
And I'm hanging on to the words you say  
You said that I will be okay_

"Wh-what?" Abbie's lower lip quivers, her eyes filling with tears. "Mommy's...dead?" She looks up at Chad automatically, gauging his reaction to see if it's true. He avoids her eyes, hanging his head slightly in shame and grief. "_NO_! It's not true!"

Chad watches, powerless and unable to move as the remaining light of his life runs away from him, seeking her lost mother. When Abbie finally catches sight of the polished black coffin almost completely covered with bouquets of flowers and surrounded by faceless people clothed in black, her legs give out from under her and she crumples to the ground, silent sobs racking her small body.

_"Mr. Cooper, did you know your daughter would react this way?"_

_"Mr. Cooper, why didn't you tell her the truth?"_

_"Mr. Cooper, how do you think this experience will affect her in the years to come?"_

_"Mr. Cooper, who do you feel is to blame for all of this?"_

Cameras flash and people buzz in Chad's ears, holding microphones in his face - all of them obstacles, blocking him from reaching his darling girls. He pushes past the unfeeling reporters and their unforgiving black lenses and notepads determinedly, taking brisk strides before he reaches his wife and daughter, whose tears seem to have subsided somewhat. The _casket_ and his daughter. His wife is gone.

"Abbie, I - " He stops dead at the coffin before him, the scent of roses and jasmine mixing in the air. Flowers mask the smell of death. But they don't do anything to mend his broken heart.

A small hand slips into his. Chad looks down and sees Abbie's tearstained face, her mouth in a thin line and her eyes resolute, staring at her mother's enclosed body and letting an occasional teardrop fall.

"Is she really gone, Daddy?" It's her turn to avoid _his_ eyes, and she does so with remarkable dedication, fixing her gaze upon the casket. Chad doesn't look at her either, choosing to turn his face toward the skies and blink back tears furiously. Chad Dylan Cooper does not cry. The past three days don't count.

"Yes," he whispers hoarsely to his daughter, his daughter who has eyes of laughter and a grin that lights up the whole room. "She's gone."

_The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now, having forgot my way home_

"Sonny was my best friend. Before she came to So Random!, I never really knew what it was like to have friends. To care about someone else. To have someone that I could depend upon. Sonny changed that for me. She opened my eyes to what true kindness and friendship are - love.

"Without her, I wouldn't be where I am today; married, successful, popular, it's all due to her and her influence over me. I'll miss her tremendously, and not a single day of my life will go by where I don't think of Sonny and mourn that a light as bright as hers was extinguished at only thirty." Tawni concludes her heartfelt speech with a few tears as she steps off the podium and waves weakly to the audience, unable to retain her perfect composure.

Chad lifts his hands from their position in his lap, bringing them together softly in ten polite claps. All of Sonny's old co-stars at _So Random!_ have now spoken, and only Chad is left.

Abbie squeezes his hand for good luck before he stands up, as she always does - whether it's an MTV Movie Choice Award he's accepting, an important toast he's making, or a...a speech that he's giving. But this is one of the few occasions where Chad couldn't care less if he says the right thing or not. Because Sonny will know what he means. She always does.

As he reaches the podium, everyone seems to straighten up in their seats. The cameras watch him intently, ready to capture his every word, his every movement, his every emotion, should he choose to show them. This is what they've all been waiting for; after all, Chad hasn't given a single statement since the accident. He takes a deep breath, wills himself not to cry, and begins.

"Sonny, you - " That lump is back in his throat, larger and more difficult to swallow than ever. He clears his throat, places his hands on the podium for support, and begins again.

"Sonny, I - " It hurts to say her name, ever so much. It hurts to speak of her, to think about her, to not be able to look at her except in his daughter. He wishes that his daughter looked exactly like her, that she didn't have his hair and his coloring and his smirk and something intangible that he can't name, because it makes Abbie herself and not _her_, and _she_'s all he wants right now. Sonny. Sonny. Sonny.

"Sonny." He chokes as he says it once more, with those tears that he thought he had cried many times over during the last three nights making a reappearance and spilling over onto his cheeks for everyone to see.

"Daddy." A pair of arms grasp him tightly around the waist in a comforting hug from behind, barely reaching all the way. Chad bends down, wiping away his tears, and lifts Abbie into his arms, letting her sit on the podium with her legs dangling, facing him rather than the audience.

"Abbie," he starts once more, choosing not to begin with his wife's name. "I love you. You know that, right?" She nods at him solemnly, her golden ringlets bouncing up and down along with her head.

"Of course, Daddy. I love you too." Abbie beams at him, with Sonny's grin rather than his smirk, though she does both constantly.

"You love me, Abbie. And I love you," Chad repeats. "But it's different from the way I loved your mother. Abbie, your mother was...she was everything to me. She was the sunshine to my darkness, the white to my black, the sun to my moon, and all of those other metaphors. But before that, she was my enemy." Abbie's eyes grow wide in surprise, excitement beginning to gleam in anticipation of the coming story.

"Yes, she was my enemy." A faint smile appears on Chad's face as he reminisces, thinking of better days. "All of those people whom you just saw speak - Aunt Zora, Uncle Grady, Uncle Nico, Aunt Tawni - they were _all_ my enemies. But your mother especially. Our shows hated each other, and as the stars of our respective shows - " Tawni lets out a tiny cough at this, just enough for Chad to look up and smirk at her, " - we were bound to hate each other as well.

"But we didn't. Or at least, we tried to. But that didn't work so well."

"Did you fall in _love_ with her, Daddy?" asks Abbie, a coy smirk on her face just like Chad's.

"Yes. Yes, I did," Chad murmurs softly, gazing at the coffin. "I fell in love with her. With Sonny. And everything changed." He wipes away a tear with the edge of his sleeve, laughing weakly. "You know, I used to sing her that song. '_You Are My Sunshine_.' It was so cheesy, but she loved it." Leaving Abbie on the podium, Chad moves to stand directly in front of the coffin, placing a hand on it and facing away from the audience.

"Do you remember it, sunshine? I bet you do. You remember everything. _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you_." Chad's voice falters at the next line. "_Please don't take my sunshine away_," he whispers brokenly, another tear sliding down his cheek.

"But you _have_ been taken away, my sunshine. And I miss you, more than you could ever fathom. There's this massive hole within me, which I never knew could exist.

"I can't say that you're in a better place now, because I know that you loved being here, with me. With our daughter. With all the people that love you. I can only hope that you're watching right now, knowing how much we love you. How much I miss you.

"Life will never be the same again. Goodbye, my sunshine. Goodbye, Sonny."

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain, there is healing  
In your name, I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm still holding), I'm holding on (I'm still holding), I'm holding on (I'm still holding)  
I'm barely holding on to you  
I'm holding on (I'm still holding), I'm holding on (I'm still holding), I'm barely holding on to you_

A/N: Please review? I'll love you forever. :) And vote in my profile poll? I'll love you forever and a day! :D Plus, you get virtual Chads. Yes, I'm that awesome; most people hand out cookies or chocolate, but I give out CDC himself (albeit in virtual form). :P So please review and vote! Thank you.


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